don’t you carry nothing that might be a load

out the door noonish for a run on a beautiful day.  much later than i prefer to run, but early morning today had other responsibilities.

a sun with enough heat that short sleeves were sufficient and a westerly wind with just enough ooomph in it to billow against a good-run mindset.  scarce birdsong at this time of day and some light traffic.  plenty of farming equipment rolling along the road and kicking up red dust in the fields that came in waves across my running path.

the first kilometre was that.  wind and dust. a stomach a bit too heavy with morning food. a head full of the early morning stress, looping like an old reel to reel tape player. the first kilometre was that. a story line dragging me down, sitting tight across my shoulders and ratcheting rigid my jaw, labouring my breathing, congesting in my log-heavy legs. a misery i created. the first kilometre was that.

grateful was i to become aware. i did not need to bear this burden.  these obstructions, of my own making. i could simply drop this weary load on the roadside.  i could, in fact, allow a bit of self-compassion to well up. i could be kinder to myself. and so, i was.

my heartbeat and breath fell into a steady, comforting rhythm and the warmth of the sun touched my whole being.  the earth lifted to meet the regularity of my foot fall.

the run. was so good.

i came home.

 

we can make ourselves miserable or we can make ourselves strong. the amount of effort is the same.

~ pema chodron